FOCUS – DO NOT LOSE YOUR VISION!

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” -Rodney Dangerfield

In my last post, one will easily notice that I was frustrated and still am with some things in life. This morning I ate breakfast with a mentor of mine who graciously extended some encouragement and amazing advice. He reminded me that I am where I need to be whether I agree with the ways of performance – I am responsible for doing what I do for better or for worse. Perhaps a gracious God rewards obedience. I still remain conflicted with my own moral beliefs but have been led to continue in the small things, that therefore enable me as a result to focus on the long term – my photography certificate from Samford University, my service for the orphan, my books, my services for the Birmingham philanthropic community, and working towards a dream to be with that girl. And yes, I still believe!

I believe that as a writer you cannot sacrifice feeling or offending someone to hurt the story – sometimes you burn bridges, but then again a real story is a real story. And those who wrong others are exposed for what they are. Plus not everyone can hate me or you because “everyone hasn’t met me yet.” The solid friends stand by you. They become part of the story for the true character that exemplifies their friendship. A narrative is exactly that, and when writing truth, poor leaders and fakers are revealed. As the old saying goes, it is what it is.

I think individuals misconstrue gratefulness for having a good attitude, liking what you do, or being content with just the norm. Normal contented people never bring about the change that drives movement, revival, and renewal through Christ. You can act normal while I trail through the journey with passion and a relentless pursuit to glorify Him. Being in a bad mood does not mean you are ungrateful like so many individuals misunderstand. You must act happy all the time to be grateful and thankful for your life – well that sounds as absurd as writing it! Please understand that I believe a good attitude will always benefit one more than a sore one, but I also believe in the reality that we have bad days with good ones – either way does not expose my gratefulness or not.

You must FOCUS on that audience of One. FOCUS on what you want! FOCUS on what you desire! FOCUS on the vision. Do not lose sight of the vision you have been given. I am not entirely convinced vision is prophetic – vision is knowing what you want and not losing sight of that vision in the everyday monotony and survival of life. It is a daily decision to FOCUS on the little things so you can achieve the big things. As you write truth, a few persons will fall off the map, but because they construct the negative parts of the story, that is probably not such a bad thing. Those characters tend to make you lose sight – they do not want you to fulfill vision because often they have no vision of their own. Vision is not always a prophecy. It is a decision to FOCUS forward, not give up, and stay the course, even when you no longer feel like it. If you have lost FOCUS, these clips from the movie, Facing the Giants, might be just for you.

The Little Things

This past year has been a learning curve to say the least – it might have well as been the strangest year I have ever faced. I have continually struggled to find the passion that pushes me forward. I find myself struggling to survive more than to really live (“Every man dies, but not every man really lives.” –William Wallace). This is and was always what I have feared in life. I have fallen into the American dream of just surviving to pay bills and trudge through my own existence. I do enjoy and therefore am grateful for my photography, my writing, my family’s love who I am constantly surrounded by, advocating for the fatherless, and somehow feeling like I am progressing/moving forward. I have come a long way in the last year. There is no doubt about that. My goal in life is not to retire but rather to serve others, and I feel that I gamble with people’s lives in my chosen start more than I change them. I am pulled ethically as I quite frankly struggle with a conscious of destroying people’s lives instead of changing them. My mood is quite frankly dispassionate, not depressive but rather stagnant.

I keep praying that God would step in and make change, positive change where I do not question what I do. I know God is pruning my maturity. But I honestly just want to enjoy what I do. And I do not feel bad for that simple wish, request, and prayer.

Two things really still continue to bother me: first, someone I had crush on for several years no longer speaks with me. While many say “move on,” I wish it were that easy for me. Secondly, what I spend the majority of time on seems to strike my own moral fiber in negative sentiments, cognitively questioning myself for what I do day in and day out and why God would have me do something I clearly do not believe in.

I have heard every excuse in the book and been lectured on the fact. “You are fortunate and should be grateful.” “You need to take care of yourself” (still trying to figure out what that means). “You are missing out on your nephew’s life.” “You need to grow up and pay your bills.” “Man, you got a good deal on that truck that gets five miles a gallon.” Sometimes those closest to you provide more discouragement than positive reinforcement. Without giving me advice or frank criticism, why don’t you pray with me? Why not just listen and assist in moving me to a place where I can smile once again? Sometimes it is better just not to say anything. I am realizing there is something about quiet strength to persevere that speaks louder than seeking sympathy from those who fail to give it.

My grandmother may potentially have cancer. My nephew has half a heart and yet still manages to smile. We still sometimes wonder whether he will live day to day. Bigger forces are at work outside of my life; I get it! But that does not change that I simply wish to be happy.

Richard Simmons, the author of his recent book, The True Measure of a Man, warns that we should not be defined by our own workplace but rather our identity through Jesus Christ. But if you are miserable in what you do day to day, then simply existing does not fulfill my passion in Christ. While that may be a selfish mentality, it is genuinely how I feel about the matter.

All I know to do is focus on the small things, like this blog entry, daily prayer, daily reading of the Word, memorizing Scripture, seeking opportunities that may in fact make me smile in hopes that in the near future what I have worked hard for will come to fulfill itself so I can go back to being James and feeling joy that has for quite some time now been lost….hence the video below….what I do not want to happen.

And I mean this with all my being: I will not sacrifice my morals to simply pay bills when I move on from this point in my life. And that is all I have to say about that.

I am focused on the small things because each day a small task is accomplished that works one step closer towards doing something I am passionate about and ethically at peace taking part in.

Practice Discipline, Not Procrastination

I am discovering some steadfast truths this year, and one of the most obvious that brings enlightenment to any resolution is that one must constantly practice discipline on a daily basis. I truly believe that those who are most successful at anything in life have practiced discipline on what they choose to be great at – practice makes perfect as the old saying goes. Whether it be a new blog entry, finishing another book, editing the next photo, and so on, I am much happier when I get started on even the smallest task, like finishing a book that I read this afternoon with the notion of beginning another one. I will be sure to provide book reviews in blog entries to come. Procrastination is a scheme of the Enemy; in fact, I believe the Devil plunges in our deepest of insecurities when we procrastinate. Sometimes at least for me, I think “down” thoughts when I procrastinate sitting alone in my refuge of silence. I thrive when I begin a project in my place of solitude. Even sitting in meditation or taking an active nap (not just laying around but actually sleeping) qualifies for doing something. When I procrastinate, I lose the discipline to be effective in productivity and therefore the idea of small accomplishment. When I become disciplined, I thrive moving forward through hard work one hour at a time. It is truly amazing how much one can accomplish even in an hour if we just sit down and do it. I think that is sometimes my biggest feat is to sit down, just do it, and get started by getting done with the task at hand. If I have a prayer request for any of my readers, it would be this: that I not procrastinate and in effective discipline I work towards the dreams God has instilled in my heart one step at a time. I find that my confidence is most boosted when I am doing what I know I should be doing working towards goals of the future. When I don’t procrastinate, I find that the anxiety of not doing disappears and that tasks are quickly accomplished without remorse. Now I believe that in discipline that is a Godly way of moving forward for the better good of myself and the work I am doing.

Please realize I think it is okay to have an occasional lazy day. We all need to rest. I think there is a fine balance. My personality has always been one that thrives on doing as opposed to not doing, meaning just staying active even if just on a small capacity. You have to rest, but you also have to work hard. I believe in hard, real hard work without procrastination and with great discipline.

BE JAMES!

As I have almost completed the book, The Happiness Project, I will have to say that great changes have come about from reading this unique and special piece of literature. My hope is to reread this book at least two more times before my thirtieth birthday. I got an email from a close friend about the last blog entry I wrote – something about it being the best blog entry I have ever wrote.

It was not the writing that caught his attention. It was the measure of personal growth within the entry.

As I have been focusing on enhancing my skills in ministry, photography, writing, and reading, these things almost inevitably require inner reflection and lots of alone time. I find myself preferring to lock myself away in my study and in my bedroom to accomplish a list of tasks to do that I think will better myself and these desired traits. For awhile, I felt remorse about not wanting to spend every second with a friend or family member doing something outside of my usual volunteer projects. I almost prefer to keep to myself in order to self-improve on some levels whether finishing one of my books I am writing or reading my Bible. So in some ways, I must be James, the new introvert or the old extravert.

Routinely I am around an individual who I believe gets a buzz over the authority that his position gives him. I question the sincerity of the mask that I often see. I guess it aggravates me because I am not that type of person…what you see is pretty much what you get. While I may wear emotions on my sleeve, you will typically know when something is bothering me. I cannot decipher whether this individual is genuinely miserable or happy. I am beginning to think that it is the former of the two. And being authoritative in micromanagement to the point of annoyance, others become affected by the individual’s sense of mood.

I have learned a valuable lesson that others should not be able to steal one’s happiness, even if a line must be drawn between right and wrong. I do not easily back down when I think someone is being treated unfairly. That especially includes myself. In order to be happy, I must be James, and I should not let anyone else dictate otherwise. You must be comfortable to be yourself in order to be happy.