This past year (2009) I have really had one of the most interesting plotlines of my relational career in terms of friendship and pursuit…perhaps some sob stories and also some hysterical moments. I am smiling right now, but in the midst of some storms, there are not always smiles to be had, just prayer and even perhaps sulky tears.
My attitude towards any friendship has always been simple: serve the other person with 100% effort. I have come to find and believe that I do that pretty well, despite what other people may think or say. In any relationship, it becomes extremely difficult when you give and give and give, especially for long periods of time only for the other person to take and take and take. For me personally, this more or less pertains to past dating relationships I have had in the last couple of years. You give all you have to serve the other person…to make his or her life easier…to truly make things better for them; sometimes I think people just forget what friendship is. I do not believe friendship is meant to be a scratch my back, and I will scratch your back kind of thing. That sounds too political like a barter system. Remember that if we truly serve others we will not keep count or tallies of what we are doing for them, but I must admit that I think it is our human tendency to do just that…to keep count. I did this for you, and you should do this for me. It is very discouraging when other people perhaps take and take and take and perhaps do nothing for another person because they are so “busy” or whatever the excuse they come up with. Maybe one of the main points I am getting it is that you can only give in and give up so much before you are exhausted and you no longer want to give anymore. If the other person is not even trying, then I am not even entirely sure that is true friendship in the Biblical sense. Eventually you might come to the conclusion that enough is enough, and you refuse to give anymore. If you find yourself in this predicament, maybe you should be asking if the other person was a genuine friend in the first place. My definition of friendship is doing hard work, real hard work. If another person is standing around and doing nothing for a friendship to grow, then perhaps acquaintance or casual friend would be a better word to describe the person. We know each other’s name, and occasionally we will see each other around.
Another essential aspect to friendship is just having fun. Sometimes we take things so seriously we do not even have fun with each other. I believe God meant for us to enjoy and glorify Him forever. Well, if you are serious all the time, it is probably too hard to enjoy anything.
Please also realize I have different levels of friends. I have best friends, good friends, and average friends, but overall, the other person gives to some extent. It may be as simple as sending me a message through Facebook, text, or calling me to talk for three or four minutes. When I mention giving to someone, you do not need to sale your house and give them everything, including the shirt on your back. What I am referring to is just giving your time. Sometimes it is that simple…give someone your time, even if you think you are the “busiest” person on the planet, which by the way you probably are not.
I am often surprised how Americans so casually consider what friendship is. “Friendships come and go, but I am here to stay.” First of all, people are not going to stay here forever on this planet; unfortunately, a day comes when all will end. Sometimes we treat friendships like they are baseball cards in some trading contest. A friendship involves a person with feelings, with hardships, and with other dimensions most people do not even take time to know. I think sometimes that people deserve to be treated better than we treat them. We, including myself, dispose of friendships often without much thought because of convenience or really dumb fights. Sometimes I am shocked at why people just give up friendships over really silly things. It is easy to forget what other people have done for us when we are caught up the emotions of a moment, such as being angry. The only point of view we seek to understand is our own, instead of the other person in why they acted the way they do. I think there will come times where all you can do is let go because the price to hold on is simply too much. In intentionality, you may have to cut someone off, even if it hurts, because in the long run it will hurt more to try and hold on. Like I said, I can only give so much before the spiral of violence turns into dangerous grounds.
One last thing I would like to touch upon is gossip. Gossip will destroy a multitude of friendships quicker than a forest fire in dry conditions. What is unusual about gossip is that it will destroy a friendship without the knowledge of the two people that are even in the friendship. One person will say, “Do you know what so and so said about you?” The same question may be presented to the other friend in the situation encountered. Before you know, each person in the friendship believes the word of someone else without even consulting the other person. This is a very dangerous position to be in because you start to believe other people, instead of the original person in the friendship. The friendship becomes ruined based on what other people say. First of all, if you are tempted to gossip about anyone, my advice for you is to be quiet! Some people have so much trouble doing this when it is really not that hard; it kills me when people speak without ever even thinking about what they are saying. Secondly, if you have heard someone say something about you or someone else and you feel compelled to communicate with the person who is being mentioned, go to the source you have this sudden conflict or emotional splurge with. I would also encourage you to wait a few days. If you say something out of emotion, you may indeed say something you regret.
Friendship is a gift, and I am often surprised how we dispose of it so easily and take it so for granted.
Again, I want to reiterate these are lessons I have learned over the past few years and not necessarily in just a few months. I work on blog entries, poems, and any other type of writing for several days if not weeks before I post it. That is the nature of a serious writer aspiring to be an author. Unlike some blogs, I do not instantaneously post whatever comes to mind in the second of a minute, even as awesome and educated that action might be.
No comments:
Post a Comment