This has been an interesting weekend because I went to the Toby Keith concert (Thursday with Dad and Uncle Ray), had Mom date night (Friday), went to see Auburn play against Arkansas State (Saturday), slept 16 hours (Sunday), and then caught up on writing/emails/contacts among many other things including some much needed time with God (Monday). When I was sleeping, I felt like I was in hibernation as a bear. I must really have been tired. Today has a random laundry list of to-do items….nothing really too exciting. The best thing is that I have made some time to write this blog entry among a few other new things.
When I first started thirty-two days of writing in my quest to find myself, I really started off hard staring at the computer way longer than I should have. I think I was writing like ten pages on average a day. It was going rather well, but I was getting burned out rather fast. Perhaps the most important thing I will take away from this Steeple Chase is that writing must not become your life. You must still live a life away from the keyboard. I would stay in my dark corner without much socialization besides occasionally seeing my parents every few hours and our wonderful little Boston Terrier King David.
As I continue my break or sabbatical from school or what most people have deemed as responsibility in general, I am learning more about myself and life that I did not take time to notice in graduate school. They had us busy with literature reviews and communicative theoretical concepts that no one has or ever will hear about unless you get a professional advanced degree in Communication. I think Communication can be summed up in two ways: 1.) You’re good at it, or 2.) You suck at it! Do not take offense to the later of the two. The good news is that communication is something you can improve upon. Heck, I studied the subject for two years, and a university gave me a paid-for degree for it.
This morning I really woke up with this feeling of helplessness. I am not referring to the help-me-God-because-I-am-about-to-die helplessness but rather that I am helpless without God. My dream of writing a book and touching lives means nothing without God. In fact, everything means nothing without God. So I woke up that thought fresh on my mind.
I feel like writing is a trudge-through process. You just have to keep going even if people say you are wasting your time. I do not wake up each day dying to get to my computer, but then again not a significant amount of people have taken interest in my writing. While that should not be my sole motivation, sometimes I have trouble just doing this to glorify God. I occasionally enjoy an encouraging comment of “Hey man, I read what you wrote, and I agree (or disagree) with what you said.” Sometimes you do not even care if the person likes what they read. You just want them to read.
So today has kind of been a mixed blend of emotions as I seek the next phase of life. I will finish this first book and hope to keep writing. I also can’t help but keep wondering about this writing thing especially when those I am around most don’t really seem to care one way or the other.
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