Ayden (hence he gets three pictures for being so cute and I only get one).
ME.
Days 22-24I have been debating for a few weeks about whether to write on this topic and comparison with my nephew, but the first thing I have learned as a writer sometimes you just got to go for it. I am writing a book in case you have not heard. This is a three day update on a thirty-two day streak to write hard, play hard, and rest hard.
When people ask me what my book is about, I typically answer something general like: “I am writing a memoir in order to advocate for people whom have disabilities within the church. We ignore those disabilities, stigmas, and stereotypes. This literature serves to bring attention to those things.” While this is very true, it is an answer avoiding the obvious. I do not typically open up a conversation saying, “I have bipolar disorder, and my book is the testimony and struggle of living with that illness.” Most people freak out at the mention of even having any type of mental illness. So I just usually leave that alone with first time conversations unless I know the person works in the medical field which does not necessarily mean they are not ignorant to the subject. Now if Ayden could talk and say, “I have a rare heart condition known as hypoplastic left heart syndrome,” most would reply with something like, “That’s interesting….okay,” maybe even following up with more questions. Typically in my experience there are not judgments with individuals about organs that exist in the body below the head. In other words, if something is wrong in the brain, there must be some type of crazy evidently visible. Most of my family would still agree with such sentiments about my lifestyle and philosophy, but I commonly smile and just say, “I am on my medication….so ha! I am not crazy. I am just inspired!”
Like I hope people will find inspiration with my story, several have already found inspirations with Ayden’s story, people literally from all over the world. I have to admit I have been a little jealous of the wild tycoon this little tyke creates. If I was a baby with cute pictures, I guarantee thousands of people and perhaps even more importantly ladies would follow my story and my journey to tell that story. It is so unfair!
As I said before, I have a mental illness known as bipolar disorder. Ayden Mills, my nephew, has a heart condition known as hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Let’s look at the basic definition of these conditions so we can really understand what might be going on here:
Hypoplastic according to the American Heart Association (AHA):
In hypoplastic (hi"po-PLAS'tik) left heart syndrome, the left side of the heart is underdeveloped – including the aorta, aortic valve, left ventricle and mitral valve. Blood returning from the lungs must flow through an opening in the wall between the atria, called an atrial septal defect. The right ventricle pumps the blood into the pulmonary artery, and blood reaches the aorta through a patent ductus arteriosus.
Bipolar according to the National Alliance on Mental Illnesses (NAMI):
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a common psychiatric disorder that includes periods of extremely elevated mood. Most people with bipolar disorder also experience periods of depression and periods of full or partial recovery. The cycles of high and low mood states and well periods may follow an irregular pattern.
The first similarity I noticed with Ayden related to the number three. The Scriptures reference the third day and therefore also the number three in First Corinthians 15:3-7:
For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter,b]"> and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.
Notice the end of the text mentions the “abnormally born.” I found that amazingly symbolic to Ayden’s situation as I read this particular piece of the Bible. Back to the number three, Christ was raised on the third day. I had three major episodes with my mental illness (mania, clinical depression, and then mania once again), which my book is more or less divided into these three periods of my life. Ayden’s condition requires three major heart surgeries to correct this underdeveloped part of the heart. It affects both of us as siblings with three major trials to complete the journey to recovery. I was only diagnosed as bipolar and therefore healed after my third major psychological episode thus receiving the correct cocktail of medication. Ayden’s heart will be healed and modified to pump blood completely and correctly after the third surgery. If you think this may be a stretch of a comparison, allow me to continue and you may see more literal similarities in my next comparisons.
I think our path in life requires a certain dimension of choice but more so a direction of spiritual precision, creation, and purpose. Ayden cannot talk, but his blog speaks for him, touching people’s lives through enhanced prayer and the testimony of a miracle. God blessed Ayden with the hypoplastic heart condition to bless other people. God blessed me with bipolar disorder and an overly forward personality to spread my testimony to also bless other people. We were both given a higher purpose to live through adversity and persevere so that we both could be a testimony to God’s Good Will and further even perhaps the resurrection of Christ. God designed with precision a plan for each of us to live whether short or long in the Grand Story of His Creation….what an amazing story to follow! Would each of us be more interesting if we lived without these conditions or perhaps with? I think most in my family would concur that when an imperative to survive is presented, an imperative to live is also delivered in a calling to follow dreams no matter how crazy, ridiculous, or outrageous! I only hope that Ayden will take after his amazing uncle to be a little different. I guess you might say we do not prefer the easy way out. We follow a much more God-given difficult pursuit to live inside the fire of life rather than outside flames of passion (reference Garth Brook’s lyrics).
Ayden will live with a lifelong follow-up of medical appointments with a cardiovascular surgeon to make sure everything ticks correctly with his newly constructed masterpiece within his chest. I will also participate in a lifelong follow-up with my psychiatrist (I love you Dr. Echols!) to make sure everything with my brain is chemically balanced. We have a lifelong follow-up to constantly be reminded how God’s Good Grace has miraculously worked in our lives.
And finally and perhaps most importantly, we both are wonderfully handsome. You might find that we have more in common than one might conjecture by outward appearances. I just happen to be a little crazy in the head, and Ayden happens to be a little crazy in his heart.
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