Trying to stay focused – Have you ever felt this way?

What do feelings say about us? I think that feelings can sometimes be misguided, for instance the way you think you feel about a girl who feels nothing in response to you.

This year has started off on a good note, including the first week with 21 days of prayer. I had some ups and downs where I fell off on some of my goals, like not running yesterday after completing the Snowball 5K Saturday morning. I felt like chilling while focusing on some other tasks I needed to complete in the day’s time, however I completed 6.6 miles today on the elliptical and then walked the dog for an extra mile. So that was really like two days of working out depending on how you look at it I guess.

I try not to be legalistic in my walk with the Lord, but I do many spiritual things out of routine or discipline. I desire for my walk with the Lord to be fresh, exciting, and yearning in ways to just spend time with him, not because I have to, but rather because I want to. While I would like the next two weeks in finality of 21 days of prayer to be disciplined, I really just want a fresh connection and purpose with God, to begin anew doing something from day to day that I am passionate about. I am not necessarily talking about reading The Purpose Driven Life six more times but rather the feeling of being driven by something other than just doing it. Quite frankly I am sick of just doing life just because (I think we all feel this way sometimes), and that twist in my stomach affects my pursuit of God in quite frankly floating day to day as if not much matters. When you try to make it matter, it is almost like it matters less because the more you try the more you realize you are in a slump of some sort where feelings just don’t fly.

I think the best way to describe it is that I have often “just not felt like it” – all I do is go to work each day (that I am not honestly very fulfilled with), come home, eat, work out, maybe watch some television, read, write, or whatever and then do it all over the next day. The routine of the routine gets very old. Today I just kind of sat quietly with my hands in the air just wondering, “What’s next? And when?” …... staying true to my course but also pleading for God to step in.

I ran across these verses (Isaiah 40:29-31) on the shirt I acquired by completing the 5K Snowball Run. I think this might be a good place to stop until my entry tomorrow. If you feel as I do, perhaps you will find comfort in these words.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.